The impossible is possible tonight.

I know, I know. This entry's over a month old. Forgive me. I just feel like reposting this for the people out there who need some insight. Haha.

Enjoy.




I only had one dance class today instead of the usual four every Saturday so I was able to go home early today. The first thing I did when I came home was take a really long hot water shower. I was unbelievably tired so I just sat there under the pouring hot water.

I thought of the latest problem I have to face. It's been bugging me for days and I don't know if I should do something about it or not. Then I thought of things that made the problem worse.

And with that, I started crying. It's been a while since I've had a good cry. I tried not to concentrate on the problem so that I wouldn't have to cry anymore. A voice told me that crying won't help me solve it at all. I told it that it was the only way for me to let it out without anyone knowing at all. I don't know if it was the right thing to do but I couldn't think much at the time.

I would like to say that I envy water. It's amazing how water just flows down, no holds barred, nothing in their way to stop them. Even if there was something to stop them, water would still find its way around.

But is that really how I want to be? An aimless free spirit that can't be stopped? I don't want to be rushing into things too fast. I don't want to crash and burn. In the fast-paced world we live in, we're all tempted to beat the rush and move even faster. I just need to stop and stay still sometimes. No rock to cause a ripple, no ripple to cause a wave.

I started to trace random patterns in the water with my fingers. I noticed how some patches of water would attach themselves to other patches of water and in the next second, those patches would be all alone again. No strings attached.

That isn't what I want to be either. Being the sentimentalist that I am, there are so many things that mean a lot to me. For example, I wouldn't throw a ratty old teddy bear away because it was the teddy bear I carried with me on my very first day of school. I don't know if the scene with the water just means I should let go sometimes. Even if I don't want to, I shouldn't push myself. This is so easy to type, but I understand how hard it will be to release myself from certain things like a cable car. Sometimes, you're just in it for a ride with the others and then the time you unlatch yourself from the other cable cars, you're gonna have to make your way through the concrete jungle alone.

My immaturity kicks in more than usual. I need to grow up. I can't always look at the world through rose-tinted glasses. Even if it means getting scratched in the process.

For now, I'm just going to live my life as it is with a few modifications. Sure, I'll stay the same but I'm pretty sure that there will be some parts of me that'll be different. I need to think my age, and not as an eight-year-old without any direction. The last thing I want is to be lost in this world and not find a way back.

No one wants to get lost in a sea of unfamiliar faces without anywhere to go or anyone to turn to. It's like getting lost in the mall as a little kid. You see these figures towering over you, in a mad rush, concentrated looks on their faces. You frantically move around with your head up, in search of a face that you have come to find love and understanding in. You find consolation in actually finding your loved one, welcoming you with open arms and keeping you safe from the unfamiliarities of this world.

I know I'm still young. I still have my whole life ahead of me. I still have lots of time to change myself for the better, to influence others to do the same.

I've always been hesitant to do these kinds of things. Most of the time, I feel like I'm saying all the wrong things. There are days when something tells me that people will view me as this kid trying really hard to grow up. But that's not me. It's definitely not me. Like I said before, I'd rather not rush into things. I want to stop and smell the roses before running away from the field.

That's all I have to say. I don't ask for your comments, but if you want to, it's fine with me. All I ask of you is not to bug me with questions asking me what the problem is because no matter how you try to press it out of me, I won't give in. Thanks for listening, I guess. :)